"Maybe you should wear an "A" on your wardrobe."

So, after waiting weeks to see "Easy A," I finally saw it. The movie I had been waiting for. The movie that was so close to describing my life in Louisiana, I finally saw it.

The movie could not have been more amazing. It made me laugh and cry and.. feel really heartbroken.

About a month ago I received a text from someone who said, "Hey babe, how hot are you? Do you give good head, because I found your number on a bathroom wall that said you did." And it only brought out the rage I had suppressed from my "slut" years. I broke down that night and cried harder than I had ever cried before.

Spoiler alert, I am about to say the entire plot line for the movie.
In "Easy A" a girl named Olive was anonymous with a loud mouth bitch for a best friend, she was invisible until she pretended to loose her virginity to a non-existent guy. She told her friend in a bathroom at school and the Christian girl of the school hears it and spreads the lie to everyone as a truth. Basically the movie goes on from that lie that becomes a string of lies that initially bites Olive in the ass.

I relate to this movie, to Olive, in a way that is real. I slept with guys and messed around at Airline. I was the leader of a group I dubbed "The Outcasts." I was popular, yet not because the only real people who knew me were the outcasts.. But my behavior with guys spread rumors about me through the school. And little did I know I was one of the few school sluts. This ruined me and started a trend of boyfriends that really only dated me for sex, because unlike the other sluts, I only had sex with my boyfriend. Being the naive girl I was at the time, I had no idea that was going on. I thought it was normal. All until I moved away. Rumors were spread. "She moved because she finally got pregnant and didn't want anyone to know," and, "She was arrested for soemthing," Or other things involving pregnancy and drugs or being arrested. It was crazy. No one but my friends knew or realized that I moved for the sole reason of my mother getting into a car crash that nearly ended her life and injured my cousin.

It was like no one knew who the real me was. And to be honest, I didn't know who I was.

Well, when I moved... I changed for the better. I didn't have any friends in Texas except for Jared Singleton and his family, who I moved in with. I had a brand new start to fix my problems with promiscuity, drugs, and drinking. Even though I had a rough first few months here in Texas, I made a pretty good recovery. Though, I do think that when I moved.. my depression got worse as I kept having more and more anxiety attacks, but hey.. What's life without pessimism? Rainbows and sunshine? I'll take a rainy day over heat anyvday.. even if it means depression. Can't be happy all the time.

I never found out who put my number on that wall in the bathroom of a 7-11 in Euless, but right now... I don't really care. I'm making a change in my life that will hopefully be a good one.

I want to tell you something.

I want to tell you something, I've been thinking on this for a bit.
I just don't want to say it to you directly in fear of you running away.

I care about you a lot, but I'm trying to take it slow.

Oh, you make me so happy. So happy.
I.. really like you. You are unlike any guy I've ever met. You're not perfect, no one is, but I'm not worried about that. I'm not worried about anything about you. But, man... You're awesome.

I want this to work out.

End of transmission. :]

July 5th

So today was the day I was supposed to move to Houston.

Oh well, that went down the drain.

Good thing we both moved on.

The End :D

Money.

Money is a form of payment in exchange for a good/product.

Money is also something else. Something my family fights over.

My dad worked his ass off so much in Iraq and all those other countries to sit in a chair and do amazing things with a computer and other technologies. This in turn earned him and us back home a good amount of money.

My mom sat at home, attempting to go to college and work a part-time job. She was going to school to finally finish her Business/Marketing degree. She also spent the majority of the money my dad earned. Then she spent even more of HIS money by getting into an almost critical car crash, spending two years in hospitals, rehabilitation centers, and an assisted living facility. Not to mention her awesome electric wheelchair and the many things that come with caring for her at home.

My brother cons my dad into giving him money, paying for his road trips/camping trips/going to see his lover/etc, and never pays him back. My brother has continued to not get a job, and to live off of his scholarship money and my dad's funds.

I have also contributed to taking away my dad's money. I constantly buy food, go out to the movies with friends, take out money and put it in my checking account, and my dad also pays for all of my gas. I have tried to apply for jobs, many times. No one will hire me. I think this is do to Inflation in our economy; either that or it is due to my laziness to never calling the employers to see if I can get an interview. Never the less, I will be moving to Houston, as said for the millionth time now. Moving will be slightly expensive due to only having a van and a sports car in my family. We're going to have to rent either a Uhaul trailer to attach to the van or Monte Carlo, or get a Uhaul van/truck to put my room into.

But, back on the subject of money... The subject of it upsets everyone in my four-person family. If my mom tells me to spend, my dad tells me to not. If my brother spends my dad's money I yell at him, and vice verse on me. If my mom spends money, my dad yells at her. And the chain goes on for miles.

Hopefully one day we will all see that spending so much money if often a waste.
I also hope I will break off and stop spending HIS money forever. I really do hate taking advantage of having so much. After all... I've grown up to be such a spoiled rotten brat.

Sober

I've been love drunk by so
many others for so long,
but now that I am
sobering up, my
vision clearing
and through
the blur
of it all
I see
You.

"This Rose Bush"

"For I will tell you once again as I have once before. This rose bush will not grow when the snow falls. If the snow continues to fall, this rose bush will wither and die out. Therefore, this rose bush cannot survive in the North. But, at the same time, this rose bush may not grow so well in the heat. Therefore, this rose bush cannot survive very happily in the South. Therefore, a happy medium shall be found. So, alas! This rose bush may grow, blossom, and bloom."

I felt compelled to write that.

So I seem to be obessing.

Hmm... Well then, I think I might just drop it :]

Seems like a Healthy idea to me, don't you agree?
Indeed. :]

Moving on to something new and amazing. I find my roller blades today. Still in good shape other than the fact that they are scratched up beyond belief and the wheels are kinda cracked, but that's okay!

Ima get new wheels :3 And then I can be even more awesome on these trails for bikes around my house. I'm so glad North Richland Hills has a bike trail. It makes me happy. I just hope I don't run into the train from Grapevine that likes to zoom by and honk it's horn... It's so loud! But it's very vintage, so I guess that makes it alright?

Hmmm Anyways, I've decided to just let things play out as they may, take things as they come instead of holding them in one place, staring at them, and trying to make them change to my will. I'm going to be more proactive as well, meaning I'm going to start doing my homework, all of it, I'm going to ask for help when I need it and seek for help when I cannot find it near me. I'm going to become stronger within these next two months. For I will need strength to keep my legs up on two inch heels to walk across the stage of the Fort Worth Convention Center.

Graduation, here I come!