Thank you Parents.

So today my father decided to tell me he was surprised by my blog post about "Easy A." He also said "I'm glad you didn't get pregnant." As that is what most parents say when they find out their daughter slept around, that was alright. The fact that he read my blog and cared made me a little bit happier, but the fact that I never wanted him to know that pissed me off.

And thus, this rant is spawned from that anger.

I never told my parents about what I did for a damn good reason. Or at least I thought it was a damn good reason.

I never told them anything that made me depressed, angry, or even sometimes happy, because they wouldn't help the situation. They would have made it worse by yelling at me, grounding me, ridiculing me, or like my mom did once, hit me. So I kept everything inside and lived like a shell most of my years. I only opened up and changed when I moved in with Mrs. Ginger.

The reason I never asked for help from them is the simple reason of this: Psychiatrists cost too much. But a new house doesn't.
A new car doesn't cost less than a Psychiatrist.

So here's the final thing I'm going to say about this.

No amount of money can repay or replace my past. So thank you parents, I'm done blaming you for everything. Oh and when I get a job, I'm done asking for your help with "your money."

EDIT: I forgot to add that you did help once. When my anxiety attacks turned for the worse after mom's accident. That's it. That was all.

"Maybe you should wear an "A" on your wardrobe."

So, after waiting weeks to see "Easy A," I finally saw it. The movie I had been waiting for. The movie that was so close to describing my life in Louisiana, I finally saw it.

The movie could not have been more amazing. It made me laugh and cry and.. feel really heartbroken.

About a month ago I received a text from someone who said, "Hey babe, how hot are you? Do you give good head, because I found your number on a bathroom wall that said you did." And it only brought out the rage I had suppressed from my "slut" years. I broke down that night and cried harder than I had ever cried before.

Spoiler alert, I am about to say the entire plot line for the movie.
In "Easy A" a girl named Olive was anonymous with a loud mouth bitch for a best friend, she was invisible until she pretended to loose her virginity to a non-existent guy. She told her friend in a bathroom at school and the Christian girl of the school hears it and spreads the lie to everyone as a truth. Basically the movie goes on from that lie that becomes a string of lies that initially bites Olive in the ass.

I relate to this movie, to Olive, in a way that is real. I slept with guys and messed around at Airline. I was the leader of a group I dubbed "The Outcasts." I was popular, yet not because the only real people who knew me were the outcasts.. But my behavior with guys spread rumors about me through the school. And little did I know I was one of the few school sluts. This ruined me and started a trend of boyfriends that really only dated me for sex, because unlike the other sluts, I only had sex with my boyfriend. Being the naive girl I was at the time, I had no idea that was going on. I thought it was normal. All until I moved away. Rumors were spread. "She moved because she finally got pregnant and didn't want anyone to know," and, "She was arrested for soemthing," Or other things involving pregnancy and drugs or being arrested. It was crazy. No one but my friends knew or realized that I moved for the sole reason of my mother getting into a car crash that nearly ended her life and injured my cousin.

It was like no one knew who the real me was. And to be honest, I didn't know who I was.

Well, when I moved... I changed for the better. I didn't have any friends in Texas except for Jared Singleton and his family, who I moved in with. I had a brand new start to fix my problems with promiscuity, drugs, and drinking. Even though I had a rough first few months here in Texas, I made a pretty good recovery. Though, I do think that when I moved.. my depression got worse as I kept having more and more anxiety attacks, but hey.. What's life without pessimism? Rainbows and sunshine? I'll take a rainy day over heat anyvday.. even if it means depression. Can't be happy all the time.

I never found out who put my number on that wall in the bathroom of a 7-11 in Euless, but right now... I don't really care. I'm making a change in my life that will hopefully be a good one.