Jar of Hearts

I know I can't take one more step towards you
Cause all that's waiting is regret
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most

I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do I think I am
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting my jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
I'm gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside my soul
So don't come back for me
Who do I think I am?

I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But you have grown too strong
To ever fall back in my arms

I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do I think I am?
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting my jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
I'm gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside my soul
So don't come back for me
Who do I think I am?

And it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in your eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause I broke all my promises
And now you're back
I don't get to get you back

And who do I think I am?
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting my jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
I'm gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside my soul
So don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

And who do I think I am?
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting my jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
I'm gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside my soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

Who do I think I am?
Who do I think I am?
Who do I think I am?

Think think think

I can't think straight. My mind is spiraling into a dark place. I don't like it.. yet I don't stop it.

Negative thoughts and mean words are just spitting out like rain from a cloud.
No matter what I do I hurt others. No matter what I say I can never find the right words to say it. I cannot do this. I cannot.

Roses. Why do I obsess over them. Roses grow, bloom, wither, wilt, and die. Why should I love them so? Roses only blossom in seasons. Seasons of love? If they are used to be a symbol of affection, then why. must. they. die.

I am a Rose. I blossom and thrive in my seasons and then I wither and disappear.

Why must this depression oppress me. Why must I fight it to carry on. Is this my curse for being human? For being myself?

Over-reacting, dramatic wench am I.

But a whore in a man's world.

Roses are the symbol of beauty and love.
but more importantly.. a symbol of lust.

My mind is swirling, twirling, and boiling under. I need help.
I need to be saved.
But how?
How can this wretch of a girl be saved?

How can I live again..

How do I do it.

My negitive thoughts.

So with this whole moving thing.. and Nick Henry's parents thinking my moving in over.. I have negative thoughts about this.

I feel like I'm not wanted in a lot of places. Like I have no where to go. It's this feeling that is bringing me down quickly.

With Christina seeming to act like the friend who "doesn't think of me as her best friend and kinda makes fun of the one who calls her best friend," and Nick Henry's parents "mauling" over my possible moving in... makes me feel like I don't belong. Plus, if I stay in the Holderead's house I am covered until December 1st.

And with all of this going on in my head, my tears are produced by the fact that if this doesn't work out, I will have to move to Indiana and live with "mommy and daddy" and be dependent on them until I'm 25. I just know that would happen to me.

I need my own place.. and fast.